self denial....

I'm starting to lose hope. Weeks from now she'll be having the operation. I don't want to lose her baby. It's like killing her own child just because she's afraid that her unborn child will go out deformed or mentally challenge. I told you before that she tried taking some sort of an abortion pill a month ago. After she told me that she's gonna continue her pregnancy I felt sick. Why? What more can I do when she finally made up her mind. Last night I was watching this documentary 'bout teenagers having their pregnancy aborted and God I almost throw up when they showed hundreds of unborn children stacked like they were some sort of trash. It wasn't a pretty sight I tell you. Weird, but when I changed channel the other T.V station was also showing a documentary 'bout young girls who died during the operation ( abortion). Is this some sort of a premonition? I don't want to lose her..not in a million years. Actually I don't even understand myself, why am I so attached to her? She's just a friend.... or is it just I'm only convincing myself that she's " just only a friend" Is it possible that I'm falling for her?