Goodbye

Darkness, tears and pain;.

There, the three things I was well aware of when you said that one painful word... "goodbye."


Tears... I felt the sudden dryness in my throat. My vision begun to blurred as I slowly bowed my head. "goodbye" was the only thing on my mind now. I didn't even bother listening to your pathetic excuse.
Since the begging I had always known it was her. Yet I forced myself blindly. I was blinded by my love for you. I was hoping... believing that... I was the one you would choose...

I made myself believe to the point that I let my guard down for you to see the real me. The real person that I was. I showed it... only to you. You made me believe and live in a dreamland you had created... with all your promises. Do you even know how happy I was whenever you made a promise? Yet now... not one of them come true.

I had loved you far too much to realize the difference between of dreams and reality and it really hurts when reality itself slapped my face.


Pain. I slowly turned my back away from you; away from all the memories. You had given me far too much pain to bear. You know, I already blamed everyone I knew. You, Him and I; I even blamed my friends for not saving me from you,. I blamed everyone, yet the pain still burned inside me.

Anger and pain rolled into one. What had I done to deserve this? Why? WHY! I ran home like a frightened child. I didn't know whom to trust anymore. Am I really unworthy for you?
I compared myself to him. He could sing, dance and act a smart guy and everyone's favorite. BAMM!!! I punched my fist againts the wall Crying like I'd never be okay again... I had realized that.... I AM UNWORTHY.

Darkness. It was pitch black. My hope and my everything was slowly slipping away from me. I really don't know what to do anymore. I hated my life Had I never done anything good? Iwas tired. I was exhausted. I wanted to die. I just fell in love and this was all I got broken, lonely and cold....

In love na yata ako sa textmate ko....

Remember last time ang topic ko is this girl who I think I'm in love with? I forgot to tell something about our blooming relationship.. don't get me wrong hindi pa "kami"..friends pa lang kami. Anyway I forgot to add this piece of information... diba nasabi ko sa inyo how she makes me feel that I am love? Now I can finally say that I'm in love with her. Kaso there this one itsy bitsy problem... the girl I've been telling you is my... eerrr.. ahhh..uhmm... she's my textmate. I know your shocked at kahit ako shocked din.. pero what can I do? I've fallen madly in-love with her. She's kinda young for me... parang yung "May-December love affair" yun nga land may twist... kasi she's my text mate in short hindi pa kami nagkikita well aside sa mga pics sa friendster pero never pa kami nag kita in person. Nag kausap na kami sa phone 'cause she was worried sick about me dahil hindi daw ako nag rereply sa kanya. Nag panick daw sya and so she called me. Actually na-touch ako sa ginawa nyang iyon. Sa ginawa nyang iyon she finally convinced me that she really cares for me and our friendship. She's sweet(super), kinda makulit pero ayos lang yun,she's fun to be with, mabait,l and most of all she really understands me. Mahal na mahal ko siya and I swear hindi kami mag tatagal as text mates lang.. If your asking if she knew that I'm in love with her.. well yes she knows it and guess what? Ok lang daw sa kanya kasi daw nahuhulog na din sya sa akin.
I hope kahit sa ganitong way ko sya nakilala I hope mag flourish ang relationship namin... I am really in love with my text mate. Some of you would disagree sa akin pero I don't care kasi for me Love can flourish anywhere, whether textmate mo sya, pen-pal, chat mate ang mahalaga connected ang feelings nila sa isa't isa. I hope I'm not dreaming and if I am PLEASE don't wake me up... What matters to me is that wag mag "message sending failed"(ma busted)ako sa kanya. Ayokong mag "check operator"(matapos) ang "texting"(relationship) namin.


I am truly in love with my TEXT MATE!!!!

Am I really in Love?

As I was sitting by my window earlier watching the rain pours it's tears on the ground. Soon I found myself thinking about her. I really don't know why I'm so drawn to her. Maybe because she's the first person that showed some kindness to me, the first person that really understands me even though I don't really understand myself, she's the first person that loved me even though I'm not perfect.

I really don't understand how on Earth did she find me interesting. Siguro dahil sa mga past experiences ko sa buhay. I hate to admit it but I think I'm falling for her, I know it's weird kasi bago palang kaming mag kaibigan and were only at the "getting-to-know" stage pa lang. Pero for me sya ang nagiging source ng strength ko pag nanghihina ako, siya ang kaisa-isang taong nag paparamdam sa akin na somehow importante ako, siya ang nag bibigay ng saya sa malungkot na buhay ko. Maybe I am really in love with her?
Whatever it is I hope our relationship will last. Ngayon lang ako nain-love ng ganitong katindi. Hindi ako makapag focus sa lahat ng ginagawa ko dahil sya ang laman ng utak, madalas I have those butterflies in my tummy whenever I talk to her, and before I go to bed at night siya ang laman ng prayers ko and in the morning siya kaagad ang iniisip ko. Bakit ako nagkaka ganito? I don't to lose this feeling.. but above all else I don't want to lose her... the only source ng happiness ko...


*for my baby

One Last Chance...

"Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! I chanted this words inside my head. It's already past midnight and here I am still awake, blaming myself for my stupidity. Even though I loved you, I did nothing but to hurt you. You always assured me that you loved me but my ears seemed deaf. For I thought you were not serious whenever you told me that you cared.

TRUST! This one thing that I seem to lack. I easily get jealous when you talk to your friends especially if it's a guy. Maybe it's because that I LOVE YOU, or maybe because I don't want to lose you, but one thing is for sure and that's I have fallen for you the moment I laid my eyes on you. I spend each waking moment thinking of you...only you... I'm crazy in love with you.

I have face so many challenges before with you by my side. I remember all the memories, the precious memories only you had given me. Smallest things count when you're the one who gives them. Waiting for your sweet yes feels like eternity for me, and now I ask, will the time ever come that I can call you mine?

I admit that it's my fault. I did something I shouldn't done and now I made my baby cry. I can't promise you that everything will be OK but I promised that I will never leave you. I'm here to stay... I'll be waiting for you to come back to me... I really need you

Saan ba ako nag kamali?

I miss her.. I tried looking for her so many times now pero I just can't find her. I'm talking about my previous relationship. I really don't know what went wrong. Our once flourishing relationship suddenly died. Saan ba ako nag kamali? As I look back on the things we have done before I can't seem to find even a single reason kung bakit nya ako kailangan iwan at maglaho. I really thought mag tatagal kami pero I guess I was wrong. Nothing really last forever. The last thing I heard from her was she was entertaining this suitor... yup you read it right suitor. I know dapat the day I caught her cheating on me was the last time I should be talking to her pero bulag nga daw ang love or rather tanga pala kasi instead of breaking up with her eh pinatawad ko pa siya.. Martir nga tawag sa akin ng ilang mga kaibigan ko eh. After kong ipag laban ang love ko for her ito lang pala ang mapapala ko... gusto ko sana syang makita at makausap para itanong kung bakit nya nagawa yun. Saan ba ako nag kamali?